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[gynvael]

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Geralt is always reachable by the network. Unless it's an emergency, expect not to hear back for a few hours, if not a few days.

To talk to him in person, you'll need to be in Cadens or go to his domain, a snowy mountain fortress. Yard is open; doors are locked. If he isn't around, leave a delivery with the white wolf.

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[vixening]

[ the tension returns to him like a fog, sweeping over a hillside. slowly, at first, then all encompassing. she had known the question would break whatever this peace had been between them, had known that her question would close him off from her again, but she misses the smile as soon as it is gone. wishes, in some sleepy, delayed fashion, she could have reached out and caught it.

he sits, resting his arms on his knees, and yennefer's eyes follow him. scan across the expanse of his shoulders, his back. she can see the part of him that had closed, the version of this man who had left her in this room just hours before. who had said no, but who had also said i want you in the same breath. she is so curious as to what all this is supposed to be, what it is supposed to mean, what he wants, in truth, out of it.

he says i don't know how to keep it and yennefer slowly pushes herself up to sit. she knows that what he says something important, something about them and this that she does not remember. it aches, inside her chest, not to know what he expects of her - but in that same breath, she wonders if that is the problem at all. that maybe he this, them, is something beyond that. and while she is not her - the woman who knows, the woman who remembers, the woman that doesn't need to ask those questions because the answers are so, so obvious - she reaches for him all the same. ]

Don't you?

[ her palm presses to his shoulder blade, her fingers splaying out across the fabric. the urge to touch him hasn't gone away, even if she had been the one to pull away from him, and in the next following moments she shifts to lean closer to him. to shift her body towards him, to set her chin atop his shoulder. as if she can feel the chill that has rocked through him, and she hopes to warm him through it.

what is it he's thinking? what is it that circles behind his eyes that keeps pushing this distance, building this wall. there is something in her chest that screams to burn it down, to crawl her way through it and set herself amidst the ashes, and while part of her wonders why there is such a reaction in herself to do it, it feels comfortable. like something she should be used to feeling, where it concerns him.

yennefer turns her face to press a cheek against his shoulder, her hand sliding across his upper back, fingers wishing to walk their way down his spine. she will keep this contact with him, for as long as he will let her. ]

You won't keep anything you push away.

[gynvael]

[ Her touch nearly burns. A surge of anger rises over the ache beneath, cresting for a moment, before it all subsides into the same hollow that always sits within him. What’s he even angry about? That she had to ask him what she did, right as he was on the cusp of maybe letting go? That she came here at all? That he doesn’t know what to fucking do, because no matter what, whether he pushes her aside now or lets this play out, she will wake hating him still and he will feel the same?

For awhile, he is still. Her hair brushes his cheek, her scent wraps around him. He could drown in it. He wants to. He nearly does. Then she says. That. And he finds himself catching her wandering hand. He holds it in his. It’s warm. Soft. He remembers them too much.

(He should’ve been here alone. In this new sphere. They should’ve taken him alone. He understands how to be alone.)

Gently, but firmly, he pushes her back. She has no memory. She means what she’s saying. He hears it, anyway, the irony in her sincerity, in her telling him not to push things away. Her, of all people. Hasn’t she realized? That she’s the only person he tried to hold onto? The first, in a long time, he’d not kept at a distance? And where the fuck has that gotten him?

Here. With a need he never wanted to acknowledge, one he buried decades ago. And now that it’s been unearthed, he doesn’t know how to put it back.

His eyes lift towards hers. He curls his fingers into his palm, before he can reach for her. ] You did it first.

[vixening]

[ she feels the tension riding through him at the touch, like her fingertips are dancing across flame, before it disappears again. there is that feeling again, like she should be sad for the reaction, like she should take it back, but she won't. she knows she won't. just like she had known, somehow, that those words would cut off whatever time that had stolen.

his hand catches her's, and it is - momentarily - softer than she imagined it would be. warm, yes. familiar. she considers how that is possible, considers how well it is she might know him. how well they might know each other. she turns her face and presses her lips to his shoulder, barely a brush, before he is gently pushing her back.

yennefer lets out a huff of air, indignant, in a way. annoyed. she has tried, she supposes. she has felt the pull and said what she wanted to say. his reaction, his pushing of her away from him - she supposes that is his answer. for her, for whoever she is supposed to be. ]

As I recall, [ she meets his eyes - her jaw temporarily tight. her body reacts before she catches up to it, her chin high as she jerks her hand away from him. shifts back to the bed, once more. gwiazda has lifted his head to watch them, as yennefer leans back into the pillows. to the same place she had been, just moments before. ] it was you, who left first.

[ she means through the door, of course. the way he had come inside to greet her, and then turned to leave her there in return. she had waited - whether it was for him, or something else. but what is she to do now?

gwiazda exhales once, himself, setting his head back down to the bed as yennefer lays back down, sets a hand back into his fur once more. she watches him, just for a moment, before she turns to her side, all but curling around gwiazda where he lays. turning her back to him. ending the conversation there, as far as she is concerned. ]

[gynvael]

[ She’s right: he hasn’t anything else to say. He did leave first, then and now. Perhaps that’s all he knows how to do, to walk away. But she had met him, time and again, despite that, and he’d thought, somehow, it could be different with her. It always felt different with her, in ways he can’t describe. And it should mean something that she came here to look for him. That she waited in this room even after he left. But he knows she carries no memories, that the wolf has led her around, and that the wish still clings to them both. Maybe it’s as she said: that she was always led towards him. That she never really ever chose to come to him, in here or out there.

It makes no difference, questions of what isn’t real. Her rejection of him is, and he’s tired of how they can’t ever seem to rid of each other even when things are so clearly. Finished. How much he can’t stop thinking of their kiss before he left through that portal, as if it would change anything. (Why had she kissed him then?)

He should leave. He won’t, a stubborn part of him refusing to be ejected from his own damn room over her. He’d recreated Kaer Morhen for a reason: a place untouched by all the fucking complications of his life, where he goes to leave behind a world and all the people in it who do not want him. She shouldn’t be so much a part of it. And he can’t help feeling angry at her for disrupting the only refuge he’s ever known—but mostly, he hates that he allowed it to happen in the first place. That he knows, consciously or not, he invited her in. It is the only reason she could have ever made a portal past the gates, past the main doors, so deep in the heart of his home with the wolf guiding her in.

So he sits. He waits. For what, he isn’t sure. For this bullshit to end, perhaps, so he can finally get some sleep. He watches the flickering candles. He can hear both her and the wolf beside him. He’s afraid to look at her, afraid what he might say if he acknowledges her again. Afraid of what he might want, even knowing better. ]

[vixening]

[ she does not say anything further. barely so much as moves, once she settles. the image of his back is what she remembers, when she closes his eyes - him, turning away from her. him, leaving her behind. and perhaps there is so much more to the story that she does not remember, and maybe she never will. yennefer accepts this sort of finality with very little concern, because in the end, she finds it does not matter. she will leave this place, and the last thing she will remember is his back.

some part of her thinks that maybe, perhaps, that is better. that he is here, physically here, when she closes her eyes. she does not know why it would be that way, and isn't exactly sure she cares.

gwiazda lets out a huff of a breath, final and somehow annoyed, and yennefer feels a smile tug at the corners of her lips. feels similarly, as she runs her hand across his fur, and closes her eyes. he can probably hear her breathing, can probably feel her and the wolf's weight on the bed.

( she can feel his, still sitting at the edge of the mattress, close enough to touch if she did want to reach out to him. she does not. )

he can, until he doesn't, but even that - somehow - feels familiar. ]

[gynvael]

[ The silence is heavy. Her heart beats steadily, quicker than his own, and beside her, he can smell the fur of the wolf, hear its soft breaths. He is not alone, for once, and he wants to be. He wants to be, except he doesn’t, and then he is.

He needn’t look. Still, he turns. He wants to be wrong, to be surprised to find her still there, sleeping. She isn’t.

The hollow in his chest grows a little wider. It’s funny. Every time he expects what’s coming, every time he sees it from miles away, he thinks it’ll hurt less. And every time, he’s reminded it does not. He catches her scent for a few moments more before it fades entirely. The spot on the bed beside him is cold. As if she were never here. He supposes, in all the ways that count, she wasn’t.

He wonders what it’d be like, to turn around and for once find that he isn’t alone.

When he leaves, he shuts the door behind him. The torches are snuffed out through the keep, the candles unlit, the hearth only full of old ashes. He doesn’t look back a second time. He knows better. Those who leave him do not return for him. He’d hardly expect them to, either. ]