[ it doesn't take much for her to put the pieces together. whether or not she remembers it, her body seems to- aching to shift closer to him, to be closer. her fingers run across the howling wolf and she doesn't need to see the carving to know. she wonders if she pressed her hand to his chest if she would feel the beat of his heart, if she would know that too, but his hand catches hers before the has the chance to. runs a calloused thumb across scars she doesn't remember making.
he says no and something inside her tenses, reacting to the flatness of his voice. what rises in her is a kind of defensiveness, a sudden urge to step back away from him again even when she was the one to close the distance in the first place. it's a hard feeling to place, and as that uncertainty around what it is supposed to mean fills her, she can feel her features start to shift again, another flicker of what was, what she might still be, perhaps what she should be without her memories.
because that's the problem, isn't it? she doesn't know who she is supposed to be. she is lost, both in this realm and otherwise, and she hates the feeling of it. of not knowing where to turn. of what to do. there is a strange distortion to it - to knowing she should know, to having the bodily sense to know that she always knows what she is doing, but here? with this man, who looks at her like he wants to say one thing, and then says something different?
he won't have the chance to push her hand away, not really, because she pulls it away from him at the almost exact same moment. in the following second, her expression settles as does her features, her brow furrowed as she stares at him. she nearly steps away from him, but stops herself as he cuts his eyes away from her face. he doesn't look at her, after that confession, but what for? ]
No, you don't. [ she says simply, and though there is still some anger to her eyes, her voice is smooth. cool, as if chilled. he looks away from her, and so yennefer refuses to budge, waiting for his eyes to return again. because they will - even if she doesn't know from where she came, or even to where she will go, she knows that. ] Not as I am.
no subject
he says no and something inside her tenses, reacting to the flatness of his voice. what rises in her is a kind of defensiveness, a sudden urge to step back away from him again even when she was the one to close the distance in the first place. it's a hard feeling to place, and as that uncertainty around what it is supposed to mean fills her, she can feel her features start to shift again, another flicker of what was, what she might still be, perhaps what she should be without her memories.
because that's the problem, isn't it? she doesn't know who she is supposed to be. she is lost, both in this realm and otherwise, and she hates the feeling of it. of not knowing where to turn. of what to do. there is a strange distortion to it - to knowing she should know, to having the bodily sense to know that she always knows what she is doing, but here? with this man, who looks at her like he wants to say one thing, and then says something different?
he won't have the chance to push her hand away, not really, because she pulls it away from him at the almost exact same moment. in the following second, her expression settles as does her features, her brow furrowed as she stares at him. she nearly steps away from him, but stops herself as he cuts his eyes away from her face. he doesn't look at her, after that confession, but what for? ]
No, you don't. [ she says simply, and though there is still some anger to her eyes, her voice is smooth. cool, as if chilled. he looks away from her, and so yennefer refuses to budge, waiting for his eyes to return again. because they will - even if she doesn't know from where she came, or even to where she will go, she knows that. ] Not as I am.